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I can't stop thinking about the massive earthquake that's going to destroy the Earth (or, at least, make it Hell on Earth) this coming Saturday. Not that I even remotely believe it's going to happen, but still, I continue to try to logically construct a scenario where such an earthquake could possibly even exist. And I continue to fail.
I know. Can't make sense out of crazy. But I keep trying.
1) The DoomsdayQuake will begin at the International Date Line and move West.
Directional quake, eh? Nice to know it's not one of those standard quakes, you know, the kind with an epicenter and a spreading radius of shaking/damage. Been there, done that, time for something new. And, really, I suppose an omnipotent god could accomplish that - really, an omnipotent god could just turn the entire planet into sponge cake and we'd all drown in the sticky sweet syrup... which I might have believed more. Interestingly enough, I find my suspension of disbelief is actually easier the further from the truth a story is. Ask me to watch a TV show about traveling through other planets via wormholes? No problem. Show me an episode of CSI where they get DNA from a place someone brushed up against a piece of furniture? Now just you hold on, there, mister!
2) The DoomsdayQuake will hit each place at 6 pm local time
Um, have you looked at a time zone map lately? Here's one I even colored for your convenience:
The time zones are colored, rainbow-style, from right (IDL) to left. I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
We're no longer talking about a giant, rolling earthquake that sweeps the globe. We're talking about a hit-and-miss style earthquake that observes time lines - could you straddle a time line and have one leg shaking and the other not? What about Northern Greenland and Antarctica, where there is no official time? What about the people on the International Space Station? Oh please oh please oh please tell me there's going to be a 'space quake'! What about the precise North and South Poles? What if you're flying? Will departing souls puncture the aircraft causing depressurization? Should people flying on Saturday actually pay attention to the safety lecture on oxygen masks? (I kid, I kid, you should always pay attention)
And they haven't mentioned how long the DoomsdayQuake will last. Will it hit one time zone, shake for twenty minutes, and then there's a forty minute lull before it strikes the next time zone? Will it shake for an hour, then turn off when the next time zone activates? Inquiring minds want to know!
There are lots of other questions to ask, most of which I'm sure are unanswerable, but I really need to get to bed, because I still have a job to go to tomorrow. We tried to lobby for the day off, on account of the end of the world and all, but oddly, they didn't buy it.
I know. Can't make sense out of crazy. But I keep trying.
1) The DoomsdayQuake will begin at the International Date Line and move West.
Directional quake, eh? Nice to know it's not one of those standard quakes, you know, the kind with an epicenter and a spreading radius of shaking/damage. Been there, done that, time for something new. And, really, I suppose an omnipotent god could accomplish that - really, an omnipotent god could just turn the entire planet into sponge cake and we'd all drown in the sticky sweet syrup... which I might have believed more. Interestingly enough, I find my suspension of disbelief is actually easier the further from the truth a story is. Ask me to watch a TV show about traveling through other planets via wormholes? No problem. Show me an episode of CSI where they get DNA from a place someone brushed up against a piece of furniture? Now just you hold on, there, mister!
2) The DoomsdayQuake will hit each place at 6 pm local time
Um, have you looked at a time zone map lately? Here's one I even colored for your convenience:
The time zones are colored, rainbow-style, from right (IDL) to left. I'll just let that sink in for a minute.
We're no longer talking about a giant, rolling earthquake that sweeps the globe. We're talking about a hit-and-miss style earthquake that observes time lines - could you straddle a time line and have one leg shaking and the other not? What about Northern Greenland and Antarctica, where there is no official time? What about the people on the International Space Station? Oh please oh please oh please tell me there's going to be a 'space quake'! What about the precise North and South Poles? What if you're flying? Will departing souls puncture the aircraft causing depressurization? Should people flying on Saturday actually pay attention to the safety lecture on oxygen masks? (I kid, I kid, you should always pay attention)
And they haven't mentioned how long the DoomsdayQuake will last. Will it hit one time zone, shake for twenty minutes, and then there's a forty minute lull before it strikes the next time zone? Will it shake for an hour, then turn off when the next time zone activates? Inquiring minds want to know!
There are lots of other questions to ask, most of which I'm sure are unanswerable, but I really need to get to bed, because I still have a job to go to tomorrow. We tried to lobby for the day off, on account of the end of the world and all, but oddly, they didn't buy it.