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Oh, sweet coffee wank! Just what I needed yesterday. If you haven't already, head over and read all about it. Now, I don't like iced coffee. I don't understand it. I like hot coffee, and I like coffee-flavored shakes, and I will even drink 'been sitting on my desk too long luke-warm' coffee, but I've never been one to pour it over ice. Still, if that's what someone wants to drink, it's Certainly Okay.
What the (bleep) is up with (some) baristas, anyway? Seriously, they think that because they have some hoity-toity title that they are elevated to godhood? What are they making, liquid gold from pulverized straw? [insert joke about 'at that price, it should be' here] I've never understood the pretention and snobbery that comes about when serving coffee. Okay, yes, it is vital to life and well-being, but in all honesty, any caffeinated, vaguely coffee-flavored swill will do in a pinch. Yes, even the stuff at work, which I've learned to drink with no sweetener and just a bit of fake powdered milk-crap. It's still caffeine, and, more importantly, it's free.
I think if I worked in a coffee shop I'd refuse to be called a 'barista'. I like the title 'coffee wench' so much more...
And really, like no one without years of intensive training can possibly operate an espresso machine. It takes a pilgrimage and isolationist zen-monk training to perfect coffee-making. Because it's not possible a 16-year-old kid with 10 minutes of instruction ever, you know, made a cappuccino. And if I'm forking over an amount of money that would have fed me for a week in college on a cup of coffee? I'm getting it any way I please, thank you very much.
Anyway, it reminds me of the experiment they did awhile back with vodka. When asked what their favorite vodka was, everyone in the upscale bar immediately responded 'Grey Goose'. Because it's expensive and pretentious, of course. But in a blind taste test, Grey Goose didn't fair so well. Most people picked the lower class* 'swill' brands like Smirnoff and Stoli. Ooops.
People are just so full of themselves. They won't admit to liking things that drag them out of that upper echelon of 'taste'. Oh, you have to like high-brow literature and deep, thought-provoking films that examine the human condition, coffee that's been pre-digested by a monkey and costs a billion dollars a pound prepared just so, and so on. Because there's Something Wrong With You and you're just Not Good Enough if you like romance novels and stupid comedies and cheap, bad drip coffee. Whatever, I'd rather be happy than pretentious and snotty. And, by golly, Spaceballs and an espresso shake (if pouring it over ice ruins it, what does blending it with ice cream do?!) sound mighty good right now!
(Was the guy a bit of a male appendage? Yes, the dollar bill bit was a bit much - still, he left more of a tip than I would have. Was the coffee monkey a jerk? Yes. Was the owner of the store a giant ball of vacuum? Even more so. Seriously, he won't even allow comments on his precious defensive statement - at least the original blogger has admitted to being a bit cranky and is allowing - last I looked - nasty and negative comments on his post.)
* I fully realize that there are levels below this (McCormick in a plastic gallon jug) but I'm only talking about vodkas, not paint remover masquerading as a drink. For the record, I like both Smirnoff and Stoli just fine. But then I'm not a pretentious wanker, either.
What the (bleep) is up with (some) baristas, anyway? Seriously, they think that because they have some hoity-toity title that they are elevated to godhood? What are they making, liquid gold from pulverized straw? [insert joke about 'at that price, it should be' here] I've never understood the pretention and snobbery that comes about when serving coffee. Okay, yes, it is vital to life and well-being, but in all honesty, any caffeinated, vaguely coffee-flavored swill will do in a pinch. Yes, even the stuff at work, which I've learned to drink with no sweetener and just a bit of fake powdered milk-crap. It's still caffeine, and, more importantly, it's free.
I think if I worked in a coffee shop I'd refuse to be called a 'barista'. I like the title 'coffee wench' so much more...
And really, like no one without years of intensive training can possibly operate an espresso machine. It takes a pilgrimage and isolationist zen-monk training to perfect coffee-making. Because it's not possible a 16-year-old kid with 10 minutes of instruction ever, you know, made a cappuccino. And if I'm forking over an amount of money that would have fed me for a week in college on a cup of coffee? I'm getting it any way I please, thank you very much.
Anyway, it reminds me of the experiment they did awhile back with vodka. When asked what their favorite vodka was, everyone in the upscale bar immediately responded 'Grey Goose'. Because it's expensive and pretentious, of course. But in a blind taste test, Grey Goose didn't fair so well. Most people picked the lower class* 'swill' brands like Smirnoff and Stoli. Ooops.
People are just so full of themselves. They won't admit to liking things that drag them out of that upper echelon of 'taste'. Oh, you have to like high-brow literature and deep, thought-provoking films that examine the human condition, coffee that's been pre-digested by a monkey and costs a billion dollars a pound prepared just so, and so on. Because there's Something Wrong With You and you're just Not Good Enough if you like romance novels and stupid comedies and cheap, bad drip coffee. Whatever, I'd rather be happy than pretentious and snotty. And, by golly, Spaceballs and an espresso shake (if pouring it over ice ruins it, what does blending it with ice cream do?!) sound mighty good right now!
(Was the guy a bit of a male appendage? Yes, the dollar bill bit was a bit much - still, he left more of a tip than I would have. Was the coffee monkey a jerk? Yes. Was the owner of the store a giant ball of vacuum? Even more so. Seriously, he won't even allow comments on his precious defensive statement - at least the original blogger has admitted to being a bit cranky and is allowing - last I looked - nasty and negative comments on his post.)
* I fully realize that there are levels below this (McCormick in a plastic gallon jug) but I'm only talking about vodkas, not paint remover masquerading as a drink. For the record, I like both Smirnoff and Stoli just fine. But then I'm not a pretentious wanker, either.
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You know what else people are snobby about? Beer. I know way too many guys who have to seek out new, expensive, or independent beers, then spout about how much better they are than anything else, and how terrible generic domestic beer is. Whereas I was always more of the reaction..."Lakeport is 24 bucks for a case of 24? I'm sold!"
And you know, none of these guys will turn down a free beer no matter what it is, so the should just can it.
People who spend too much time being pretentious never have any fun.
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Also, I have to admit to feeling a little bit superior to people who spend as much on a cup of coffee as they do on a gallon of gasoline. I've had Starbucks on exactly three occasions, and their coffee tasted like tar every time. I assume independent coffee shops would be a bit better, but I still don't see the point in seeking one out when I can stop at Dunkin' Donuts and pay $1.50 for heaven in a cup. Or, you know, stay home and make it myself.