If I could smack Murphy upside the head, I would

[smeddley]

So the last two days I've headed home with optimism and plans. Plans to actually accomplish things, and the optimism that I might. Each of those two days I was thwarted by events outside my control which drained and depressed me (internet woes, loose dog). And so I really haven't accomplished anything all week.

The big question, what crap-tastic thing is going to happen to me tonight that keeps me from doing anything? Because despite it all, I'm again optimistic and have my little list o'things to do all ready to go.

And remember, it's before 8 am and I'm at work, so I don't need any 'real' and depressing answers. Most creative gets first pick at duckies! (Picture of orphan ducks will be posted this evening baring any catastrophic event that cause me to sink into a comatose state, staring blindly at the TV set).

Comments

[nakedblueninja.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD DUDE!

You're gonna get abducted by aliens, because they're gonna think you know where the microfilm is, except... well, aliens don't know what microfilm is, exactly, so they're gonna be abducting you for your leftover saran wrap from your lunch sammich.

THROW YOUR SARAN WRAP AWAY!!

[alankria.livejournal.com]

When you come home from work, your house (along with its brand new basement) will have stood up on its chicken legs and run away to find a new owner.

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

The same thing keeps happening to me as well. It's been awful. I keep getting so depressed.

Hmmm, what'll happen to you today ...

You'll come home to find a huge crater in your front yard created by a meteor that fell to earth and impacted--but the meteor wasn't just a meteor! An alien couple crawls out and you end up having to go on the run to protect the aliens from the government, all while working to build them a new ship so that they can go home again!

[crimsonlotus84.livejournal.com]

First, in about ten minutes you're going to hear the screaming of one of your employees as they spill coffee on themselves. Everyone in the office will rush to their aid and just when you arrive to the "I had to ask" situation everyone gets on your case about not caring about your fellow employees/being the last to help/not ever wanting your help since you're so lazy. You'll sit back down, take a deep breathe, then try to finish your work only to have your computer be infected with a virus that locks your screen onto a lolcat picture of a cat with an eyepatch saying "YAR!! IZ FIXING UR RAMS!!" You reluctantly decide to take the day off.

On your way home everything is peaceful. The roads are clear, the sun is out, and the air is clean. You never saw that fire truck screaming through the intersection until he collided with the driver side of your car.

A white light sits before you and just as you start to walk toward it a person stands in your way. The person explains that they are God and that he summoned you here in order to set the record straight. They explain that they submitted an answer to one of your question in the contest not too long ago and that the answer was clearly correct and obviously the word "Balogne." You explain the rules to them and that the answer must not have been correct for you to not choose them, and why the hell is God posting on Livejournal. God scoffs at the reference of hell and walks back into the light. There is only darkness....

Your eyes open to a blurry mass in front of your face and the taste of old chewing tobacco on your lips. You squirm and a chubby firefighter named Ted backs off from giving you CPR but forgets to remove his left hand brom your left breast in the process. Everything comes back to you in a rush and you sit up too fast as your eyes begin to clear. Your car is a wreck. The whole left side is caved in as if a wrecking ball hit you in full swing. You're handed oxygen by Ted and as you pan your gaze around the warzone of car pieces and police lights you notice that all the "hot" firefighters are chatting with cute girls that came to the scene, leaving Ted to be the only one to help you out.

Ted summons up an ambulance and you are whisked away to the hospital. After a quick examination you're sent home and ordered to rest. The couch becomes your new best friend for the day. You roll over and look at your craft box sitting on the coffee table, it begging and pleading to be toyed with. Thinking about it for a second you sit up from the couch, reach out your hands to grab at it, and then promptly pass out. The light appears as it did before and the familiar person walks through. They explain that you were right and that they were sorry they got you in a car accident to prove a point and then apologizes for Ted. Before you could say a word the figure turns and leaves once again and this time the darkness lingers. You scream out but no echo could be heard.

You wake up on the floor with the feeling of fresh dog slobber on your face and the happy wagging face of your dog next to your head. Your head is pounding. As you roll up and sit on the floor you can feel the familiar warmth of blood on the right side of your head but from no wound. You need a stiff drink...

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

I'm worried that this is going to happen to my neighbor, so I'll transfer that to you...

Everything goes great, until you go to your front door... as your hand grasps the knob, a three foot, solid icicle dislodges above you and impales you, not fatally, but only enough for you to spend the rest of your evening at the emergency room. You'll have to spend tomorrow evening cleaning all that frozen blood off the stoop.

Or, perhaps the icicle will only club you in the head and leave you unconscious, lying in your front yard, where unconcerned neighbors leave you to freeze as solid as a lost caveman in an iceberg, the weekend is spent at a cryogenics center thawing you out.

[icecat.livejournal.com]

*I* think that since it's so cold, a water main in front of your house will freeze and burst, taking out a huge section of your street, creating a lake and disrupting traffic for days MUHAHAHAHAHA.

[clare-dragonfly.livejournal.com]

It will be the ducks themselves, of course. They will rise up and turn your house into a giant ducky fortress.

Package!

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Wheee!!! Your package arrived today. I now have nummy nummy koolaid (YAYZ) and cross stitch patterns. I might even have a use for the baby stuff--one of my LJ friends is going to have a baby in May.

Re: Package!

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

Yay! The postal service must not hate me too much. :) Two days isn't bad turn-around. I hope you like the flavors - I remember in college we'd wipe down the cabinets and counters and the cloth would turn bright red. Oh, the days of excessive Kool-Aid dust in the house... O.o

Re: Package!

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Your postal service did better than ours around here--I got a notice from uni the other day dated the 15th, and it was the 23rd. O.o

Yes, I regularly leave koolaid marks on the counters, lol. Oopsies :)

[auraesque.livejournal.com]

You will being walking your dog when you pass by a strange scene: two erotic black footed ferrets making ferrety love right on the street. Being the concerned citizen you are, you call the police and report these naighty ferrets for indecent exposure. Unfortunately, you must remain on scene in order to give a statement to the police. The police take their sweet time arriving, and by the time they do, the ferrets seemed to have accomplished at least 2/3 of the karma ferreta. Yuck.