Snerfflebarglast: Round Seven

[smeddley]

Yesterday I opened a chocolate (Mmmm, Dove dark, not the best, but pretty darn good) and the wrapper told me to 'wink at a passing motorist'. Now, I don't know about you, but this strikes me as some pretty bad advice. At best, a really creepy guy - or girl - will think I'm hitting on them. At worst, I'll get shot or arrested for solicitation (yes, I know it's not that easy, just roll with it, 'k?). And it got me thinking - the quality of fortunes, which are popping up everywhere, not just fortune cookies, has really gone downhill. And not in a good, funny, 'that wasn't just chicken you ate' sort of way. But in a dull, boring, doesn't even help to add 'in bed' at the end (which is the rule, you know).

Anyway, your job this round is to bring me a 'Mis-fortune'. Obviously, funnier=better. Seriousness will be treated very seriously - and severely.

Comments

[tarpo.livejournal.com]

I always say my fortune in my fortune cookie is "You will die a horrible horrible death" but I would guess a worse one would be "The person beside you is about to explode" but the scariest one you could get now after eating your cookie is "Made in China"

I guess if it read that your lucky # is 13 and the "learn to speak a language" word would be "Ambulance" or "help" i'd be a little worried..

I still love the "Help i'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory" joke though..

ok. a fortune "You have been poisioned.. the cure is. *see next cookie*"

[nicked-metal.livejournal.com]

Bring a smile to your face: find out what someone tastes like!

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

So, do you want one that we really got, or do you want us to make up a funny one?

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

No, it does not have to be real - although I've gotten some bad ones, I figure y'all can imagine something worse than anything that actually saw the light of day,

[clare-dragonfly.livejournal.com]

So do you mean just a really bad fortune? Or something that actually portends misfortune?

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

Both, if possible. Something that predicts something awful, but it a funny way will score the highest points.

[crimsonlotus84.livejournal.com]

Real Fortune I've gotten (and still have): "You will be hungry again in one hour."

Fortune: "Your flow this week will inspire others. Keep your flow away from toilets or you'll be preoccupied for hours."

Fortune: "If you believe in Leprechauns then you're in luck very soon, an uninvited guest will appear!! Hope you don't have any of his gold coins."

Fortune: "That lump you fealt under your shoulder will develop into cancer. Sorry."

Fortune: "Sometimes I wish I wasn't working in a fortune cookie factory."

[penchaft.livejournal.com]

You will wake up one morning to find yourself to be TFQ.

[revoked-soul.livejournal.com]

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal."

[poskunk.livejournal.com]

"You do" ... 10 years ago.

or...
"Barbarians will invade your personal space"
"There's a small thunderstorm forming under your umbrella" ... meaning the gutterbumberchute won't work.

[tjstein.livejournal.com]

I got a really horrid fortune once and it's on my office bulletin board. If I can remember to comment with it, I'll do so tomorrow. In the meantime, check this site out...

http://www.badfortune.com/

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Okay, first story! I once opened my fortune cookie and had a blank strip of paper. I took that to mean I had an ... open and light filled future, yeah, lol.

Second story! The same year, I opened a fortune cookie and looked and looked and looked. And there was no fortune! I had no future! Weeps and wails and woe-is-me.

Found it!

[tjstein.livejournal.com]

Actual fortune received:

"It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it."

I'd never been insulted by a fortune before so I just had to laugh and hang on to that.

[lyonza.livejournal.com]

"On the eleventh day of the eleventh month of the eleventh year of the second millennium, you will be confronted with the ghost of a fictional character who will drag you to your doom. But you will be happy about it."