This blog entry's saftey features have failed. Read at your own risk.

[smeddley]

Investigations: Danger at the Door

…NBC Action News Investigator Nichole Teich uncovered a problem with minivans that could put your children at risk.

[cue dramatic music]

First of all, ‘Action’ News? What the hell? How is it more ‘active’ than other news? Does it go jogging? Do yoga? Swim? It’s just another adjective hurled at us in a world already overflowing with useless, superfluous, overpowering, and downright meaningless adjectives. Don’t get me wrong, I {heart} adjectives when used properly. But like anything else (chocolate tort) in life, the key is both quality and moderation.

Moving past that, we have the completely overblown catch line. ‘Could put your children at risk.’ Oh my god, we’re ALL GOING TO DIE! RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE MINIVANS ARE COMING!

ahem.

Right. If you read the story, interestingly enough, it doesn’t even mention the kid being hurt. And, believe you me, if there were broken bones involved, we would’ve heard about it. That’d be too juicy (er, crunchy?) not to put into an Action News story. So it didn’t even hurt him, much. I’ve slammed my hand in a car door before, and it smarts a bit, but no permanent damage was done - unlike the time I slammed my hand in the front door of our house, and it lopped off the end of my little finger. And yet I see no news story running the headline: ‘Front Doors: the deadly menace’. Or a consumer group pushing for sensors in houses to not allow doors to shut on people. …but then, someone would try to slam the door on a burglar, and it would bounce back open, and the burglar would kill them and there’d be a lawsuit…

There is such a thing as too much ‘protection’. I’m still bitter I have to have those stupid sensors on my garage doors – no more hitting the button and running out under the door. {grump} That’d actually come in handy when we take our bikes out. So would fixing the keypad thing that’s supposed to work the garage door, but that’s neither here nor there*.

Look, people, if you’re counting on your car, or your TV, or other people to protect your kids, you’re an idiot. And kids are going to get hurt. It’s the nature of children – they’re inquisitive, and it doesn’t always work out for the best. And, if they survive, they learn.

Just wait until all these kids get old enough to move to the front seat, and slam their hand in the regular door, since the sliding door always bounced back at them. Oh, the drama then! We’ll have to have sensors on those doors, too. Or, wait until enough kids figure out that if they don’t want to go anywhere, the have the power to keep the door from closing! Can you imagine the parking lot scene? Can you imagine the increased sales of duct tape? {scampers off to buy stock}

* technically, at the moment, it’s there (at home) and I’m here (at work). Later it will be here, because I will be at home, though if I go to the grocery story it’ll be there until I get there, when it will become here. Proving, if I might add, that 'here' and 'there' are relative to both time and space.

Comments

[airforcegrrl.livejournal.com]

so how does this sensor keep carjackers from jumping into your back seat with your kids cause the sensor jumps the door back open. Or your kid is being a douche and is kicking their foot by the sensor keepign the door from closing.

what happened to just accepting that kids get hurt and sick and letting nature take it's course and allowing kids to grow up stronger cause of it. when did we think raising generations of pussies was a good idea?
/end rant

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

{syrupy sweet voice} Because we all have to stop ourselves and ask "is it good for the children?"

GAH! Looking back, it's amazing that anyone from my generation is alive. We didn't have all this 'safety' stuff. We never wore helmets on bikes, or have little plugs that covered outlets. And what about the baby boomers? How did so many of them survive that they're going to break social security?

It boggles the mind.

Nothing infuriates me as much as the lack of personal responsibility. Layer that with sensational journalism, and I get really cranky...

[oneworldvision.livejournal.com]

I've always hated the concept of minivans anyway. If you can't fit all of your kids into a car, you have to many gorram kids.

Also, I now have Everclear's "Volvo-Driving Soccer Mom" stuck in my head.

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

Have I told you how much I like you lately? :)

[revoked-soul.livejournal.com]

You missed the major idiocy of this; those doors with the sensors are the automatic-closing sliding doors - you push a button and they close themselves, while you wander off toward the driver's seat.

Whereas if you had:

a) Bought a van with a normal because hey, let's face it, closing a sliding door REALLY ISN'T THAT MUCH EFFORT

and then:

b) Put your stupid kid in the car and CLOSED THE DOOR YOURSELF before proceeding to your own seat

...that couldn't possibly happen. It's not a van defect whatsoever, it's a people defect. The defect of people who don't want to have to close a door themselves.

That said, kids are often dumb too, and WILL get hurt. It's not completely avoidable no matter what you do. I bought a first aid kit two weeks ago and have already had to use it 4 times (to be fair once was for me, but still...). And my kid's pretty careful.

And end completely randomly: You have to have sensors on your garage door?? No more Indiana Jones-style exits? That blows!

[revoked-soul.livejournal.com]

'with a normal DOOR'...missed a word there, sorry.

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

But it's SO MUCH WORK to slide that door closed! And when you're juggling a baby, five sacks of groceries, a sack of McDonald's food and a soccer ball while herding twelve children, you just don't have time to close a door!

I agree, most people are defective. Present company excluded, of course!

Yeah, we have these little sensors at the bottom and if anything breaks the beam it goes back up. They're required now for a house to pass inspection. I could disable them while I own the house, and just hook them up when I leave, but frankly I'm too lazy for that (obviously, as I haven't bothered to fix the keypad thing, either).

[cottonsilver.livejournal.com]

Given your posts over the past few weeks, it seems to me that the only person who needs protecting from hand crushing, muscle pulling, near death experiences is you my dear friend.

Forget the kids, trust me they heal much quicker than we do. You however need every safety device available, go shop, now!

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

Ha! I never thought of it that way.

...I do seem to be injuring myself quite a bit, don't I? Not over the last week, where I wasn't doing anything, but... we're getting another dumpster tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll do something stupid again. :/ Not on purpose, mind, but freak accidents do seem to follow me.

[imubdans.livejournal.com]

Duct tape is a poor man's hammer and nails. It may not be permanent or look snazzy, but it works in a pinch.

Look, people, if you’re counting on your car, or your TV, or other people to protect your kids, you’re an idiot.

I couldn't agree with you more.

I had no idea garage doors had sensors. I'm live in a house with a manual garage door and actually have never had an electric one. As far as running under the door...LOVED doing that a friend's houses.

[smeddley.livejournal.com]

I {heart} duct tape. I've fixed many a thing with it.

Yeah, it's code now that the doors have to have those light-beam thingees. I, too, remember the race under the door as a child - it was fun! But we must 'protect' everyone from themselves these day, you know? Ugh.

I've never had a manual garage door! O.O Sounds heavy!

[imubdans.livejournal.com]

With the rollers it's not all that heavy, but if the rollers get sticky it's not so easy to pull up. It would be nice to have an automatic one one day but there is so much shit in the garage you can barely fit in a bike let alone a car.