Apparently, I have zero ability to hold a grudge

[smeddley]

...so go ahead and piss me off, I'll get over it!

Anyway, I don't know if I ever told you about this (I scrolled back through my entries and didn't find anything) but awhile back a guy at work really pissed me off*. It was a day after my boss had put his dog to sleep (she was a 17 year old lab) and he (my boss) was pretty upset (as you'd expect, he'd had her since she was a pup!). So we had a holiday luncheon, and I was mentioning why my boss wasn't there, and this guy got all 'pfff, it's just a dog' on me. At which point I proceeded to tell him that to some people, their dogs mean as much to them as his kids mean to him. At which point he got all huffy, saying I didn't know how much he loved his kids and there's no way I could love my dog that much. And I responded (at this point thinking it was still harmless banter) that, well, he didn't know how I felt about my dog, either, so he couldn't say he loved his kids as much as I loved my dog. Then he got all 'people are better than dogs, therefore you can't love dogs more' and I said, no, I don't think so, in a lot of ways dogs are better than people, and he said that if my dog was better than people she should make the money and I'd be able to stay home (?) at which point I was confused because apparently we'd established love = the ability to take care of someone financially, which just seems a little wrong. Anyway, he said I was stupid and he was done arguing (and here I thought we were having an existential discussion?) because I was too stupid to see how stupid I was.

At which point I was just going to ignore him until the end of time. As I was slightly pissed off at being called stupid.

I do admit I love to argue, especially things that can't be resolved. Hubby and I have those sorts of discussions all the time, and the occasionally get mock-heated. But, I suppose, the difference is we're both pretty bright bulbs who do like to have those sorts of philosophical arguments. And even though I'm always right and he can't see it (fuchsia and periwinkle, dammit!), we still manage to stay civil. ;)

Anyway, this was back in December and we'd been ignoring each other since, mostly, but yesterday he walked by my office and tossed me a 'hey, how you doin'?', which, while not an apology, is an olive branch of sorts. And I, of course, instead of pulling an ice-queen cold-shoulder routine (as I meant to), answer back and we have a meaningless exchange of pleasantries.

It's just not worth the energy to stay mad or hold a grudge. I can't do it. In some respects, I think it's because love and hate are not opposite on the emotional spectrum - they occupy the same end with indifference being the other end. If you hate someone, you give them as much power as if you love them. If you're apathetic, though... they have no power over you (name that mangled movie quote!).

I'm not saying we're good friends, now, or that all is forgotten. He's still a jerk (who probably still thinks I'm stupid) with a wicked temper, and it's not like I'm going to confide my deepest, darkest secrets with him. But I'll be civil and make nice** at work, because, in the long run, that's better for everyone.

* I'm seeing a trend, it's always about kids, isn't it? Is that why hubby and I have such an awesome relationship? No kids to fight about? Although this is the same guy who told me my relationship is deeply flawed and one of us is hiding something because it's just not possible for us to be happy and not fight...

** And it's not that I'm a seething, bottomless pit of hate masked with a thin veneer of civility - I'm honestly not angry anymore, I just don't care, and would rather be pleasant because that (contrary, perhaps, to popular belief) is just the way I roll.

Comments

[ded-grotty.livejournal.com]

You should be proud of yourself. I mean, that you can be pleasant to someone outside of them being a dick shows great character on your part and yes, maybe even his.
I can't stand hunting for entertainment and "family fun".I think it's senseless and severely outdated bloodsport that sets us back centuries as a species. Yet, living in Georgia, I know plenty of hunters as friends.Many of them have been wonderful to me, even donating to my pet shelter, so I can't really hold a grudge against them, even though part of me wants to.

[penchaft.livejournal.com]

If you hate someone, you give them as much power as if you love them. If you're apathetic, though...

There have been quite a few people who just assume I HATE AND LOATHE AND DETEST them. Because I have nothing better to do with my hatred than expend it on people I think are dumb. Yes.

[poskunk.livejournal.com]

PINK and PURPLE!!!!!!!!!

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

I didn't recall this incident, but you are better than I, because I'm still holding a grudge against a coworker that was trying to force a student out of a lab course because he missed one class because he was dealing with taking his dog to the vet for emergency care (the dog did end up dying however, and the student was very broken up about it), and said, via email, that she didn't think it was a good enough excuse because it was just a dog. I totally blew up in my office and managed to email back and defend the student (cc'ing the chair) in a civil manner. But I just can't deal with her now.

I think not having children = better chance of a happy, non-argumentive marriage. At least all marriages I've seen fall apart, it seems so tied in with that transition to parenthood- major changes in communication, expectations, etc. Honestly, this past year, I've been most fed up with people who I once respected, having affairs. Like I need to be privy to that info, and you know, if you are frustrated and feel like your marriage is over, then get a damn divorce.

Boy, I sound bitter and cranky today- I'm not really! Happy to hear that you are kind and forgiving, and still enjoy being married!

[http://users.livejournal.com/anam_cara_/]

Also periwinkle=/= purple!!