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Friday, May 12th, 2017 08:42 am
Music Shuffle Quiz - now with 100% more drabble! I put my music player on shuffle to fill in the blanks, then wrote a short piece inspired by that.

How Will You Die? - This Maniac’s In Love With You – Alice Cooper

Today on the Maury Show: Women who fell in love with Zombies, Monsters, and Mad Scientists and payed for that love with their lives. We interview the people who knew them and find out what drove them to persist in such dangerous relationships. First up, Mabel’s best friend, Karen, fell in love with a mad scientist who ended up using her in an experiment that went terribly wrong.

Mabel: To be fair, I don’t think he ever meant to kill her. He was just mentally unhinged and the experiment went wrong. I went to see him in the asylum last month, he’s really broken up over it still.

Maury: He’s a Sociopath, how upset can he be over it?

Mabel: I know he feels bad. In his own way, he loved her deeply. You didn’t know them, you didn’t see them together. You’re just trying to do a shock value show, and I was dumb enough to think I could come here and make you see the truth of it. You don’t care about the truth!

Maury: The truth is that she loved a crazy man who ended up killing her. How could she not see how dangerous he was?

Mabel: You see a mad scientist. She sees – saw – a misunderstood man who, deep down, was good. Who cared for her. Who took care of her.

Maury: Until he killed her.

Mabel: It. Was. An. Accident.

Maury: Come on, how did she not see it coming?

Mabel: That’s it, I’m out.

Audience: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Mabel: Gotta give them what they came for, right?

{Mabel punches Maury in the nose}

Mabel: You really should have seen that coming.


Your Love Life? - Dangerous Veils – Jethro Tull

Loving a spy wasn’t easy. It did require sacrifice, and patience, and learning to be okay with the unknown. Being secure enough in your relationship to be okay with the parts they played. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it, he told himself as he watched her swirl and socialize at the party, leaving him forgotten in the corner. She was working, gathering information, and he had to be patient. Still, would it kill her to throw a glance his way now and then?

That thought brought him up short. It could, indeed. No one at this party knew they were a couple. No one could know. It was all a game of smoke and mirrors, illusions and veils. He had his part to play. And she had hers. She’d give the signal when she was ready, and he’d leap into action, and tonight, when they got home, they’d cuddle and she’d be all his again.

Until then… two could play at this game. He spotted a very hot blonde at the bar and went to chat her up, keeping one eye on the dance floor. His heart soared when he saw her expression change, very briefly and subtly, as her eyes swept over him. Good, now she knew how he felt. He’d pay for it later, he knew, but it was worth it.


Playing at Your Wedding? - Man in the Box – Alice in Chains

“I can’t believe she let you get away with this,” Frank said.

“She’s got a sense of humor,” Paul said. “That’s why I’m marrying her.”

“Her family might not see the humor in it,” Frank said. “I gather they’re slightly more straight-laced. They might take it as a slight. And you know about men and their daughters, you might be getting yourself into something here.”

“Have you met her family?” Paul asked mildly.

“No, just the offhanded comments she’s made,” Frank said.

“They’re pacifists and peace-loving hippies,” Paul said. “Her dad is about five foot six, if he stands up straight, and if he weighs more than a buck twenty-five I’d be surprised. He wears flowers in his beard. He already hates me, if he was going to do anything about it, he would have by now.”

“How did she grow up to fall for a guy so different from her family?” Frank asked. “Don’t women usually marry men a bit like their fathers?”

“No idea,” Paul said. He adjusted the Navy Seal beret and squared his massive shoulders, and gave a nod to indicate he was ready to walk down the aisle to “Man in a Box” by Alice in Chains.


Add “in my pants” at the end of the title - A Song for Jeffrey – Jethro Tull
“A Song for Jeffrey in my pants.”

“You didn’t,” Jan cried, once she got a good look at Tina’s face. “You swore! But man, you are glowing. It must have been mind-blowing.”

“You have no idea,” Tina grinned. “And I wasn’t, but it was so romantic, and then… the music, the lighting, the ambiance… the booze…”

“He knows he’s going to make it into your next routine, right?” Jan asked. “You did warn him?”

“Yes,” Tina laughed. “He was fine with it as long as I’m complimentary.”

“And will you be?”

“Oh, yes,” Tina smiled lazily. “No question about that.”


Playing at your funeral - Let it Rain – Warrant

She didn’t raise the umbrella as the raindrops fell, fat and cold, onto her face. They would have mingled with any tears there, and perhaps that’s what people would believe. She had played the part of the grieving widow fairly well, but she couldn’t fake crying. It wasn’t something she’d ever been able to do, and the rain was proof that god, the universe, or whatever powers that be that were out there were looking out for her.

The detective, the suspicious one, looked at her curiously. He had never been convinced her husband – her late husband, she corrected herself – her late husband’s death had been an accident. But so far he had no proof, and she prayed it would stay that way. She was a widow grieving for her lost love, her lost perfect, happy marriage. If it came out how awful of a husband he had been, that he had abused her, verbally and physically, she wasn’t sure she could handle the looks of pity, the eyes that ask “why didn’t you leave?”

And that truth, of course, would make the accident look like something done in a moment of rage – how could a wife that had been treated like her not lash out? And at best, justifiable homicide, at worst, manslaughter. No, at worst… at worst they find out about all the planning, about how she hadn’t married him thinking he was a nice man, about how she had planned this moment from the instant they met. How she had put up with it just long enough to plead justifiable homicide if it came down to it, if there was no other way, or if part of her plan didn’t pan out. But it had. As long as she held it together and just looked sad.

Suddenly, she noticed that one of the raindrops on her face was warm. Well, would you look at that? She could cry, after all.


Add “with a shovel and a screwdriver” - Mickey Mouse March – Disney
“Mickey Mouse March with a shovel and a screwdriver”

“Is this art?” Jamie whispered out of the corner of his mouth. Next to him, Sasha was staring at the sculpture, her face a mask of puzzlement.

“Um, yes? Maybe? What is it?” She whispered back.

The tour guide was droning on about the artist’s intent and inspiration, and the deep meaning of the sculpture, how it embodied… something, but it sounded like a bunch of buzzwords and random babble. The other members of their group were listening with rapt attention, nodding occasionally.

“I feel so… uncultured,” Jamie whispered.

“I know how you feel, but I bet most of them are faking it, too. I mean, this is… it’s a pile of garbage. Melted and glued together and spray-painted. No amount of meaning changes what it is.”

“I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with… M…”

“Mickey Mouse ears!” Sasha said, sotto voce. “I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with… S…”

“Oooh, tricky, I see both a screwdriver, and it looks like a kid’s sand shovel.”

“I was actually going for the screwdriver, but good eye. Oh, thank goodness, we’re moving on!”


Describes your week - Goin’ off the Deep End – Y&T

“For the love of all that…” Jessie sighed, not even finishing the sentence. It shouldn’t surprise her that this, too, had gone wrong. It had been one of those weeks, and she was near her breaking point. Yes, things had been bad before, but something about the combination of the awfulness at work, at home, everywhere… it was all she could do to keep it together. Maybe she needed to do something radical. Something crazy. Something so insane it would stabilize her wobbly life and give her a chance to regain her equilibrium. It seemed like a plan? She grabbed her phone and dialed before she could rethink it.

“Sam? It’s time. I’m ready. This weekend. Yes, I’m serious. We are doing this. No, I’m not… Yes, it’s been crazy here, but it’s not a rash decision. I’ve been thinking about it. Totally. Okay, see you then.”

She disconnected the call and walked into her boss’s office to tell him she needed the next week off. It was time to take that wild, epic road trip they’d talked about for years.


Theme Song - E is for Everybody – Cooler Kids (Kim Possible Soundtrack)

“Yes, my last name is Humphrey, that’s H as in hour, U as in ___, M as in mnemonic, P as in pneumonia, H as in heir, R as in right, E as in ewe, and Y as in yew… what do you mean you don’t get it? I spelled it out, for heaven’s sake. Besides, you called me, how do you not know how to spell my name? It comes up on your new-fangled whatchamajig, does it not? Huh? Well, fella? Hello?”

“That one didn’t last long,” Steven said to his wife, setting down the phone. “Those scammers have no patience anymore. Too much publicity on scambaiters, I think. Still, I had a little bit of fun.”


Plays when you think of your love - The Thin Line – Queensryche

“It’s a thin, thin line between love and hate, buddy, you just remember that,” Sheena said crossly.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Jeff cried, handing her the dustpan. “It was an accident. I’ll get you another one, I promise. If I have to scour the ends of the earth to find it, I will. I’m so so sorry Aunt Peggy, I know it was gift, it just… I…”

“Oh, honey,” Peggy said. “It’s okay, accidents happen. I saw it, there was nothing you could do. You can’t replace it, it was one of a kind made by me dear late Philbert. Don’t worry. It’s okay.”

“I feel terrible,” Jeff said, hiding his face in his hands. “There has to be something I can do to make it up to you!”

“You can promise to bring your fabulous apple cobbler to the family dinner,” Peggy said, gathering up her purse and coat. “Now, I must be off, it was wonderful visiting with you.”

They saw her to the door, and the second it was closed and Peggy was safely in her car, Sheena rounded on Jeff.

“How? How? I just need to know how! You brilliant, amazing, wonderful man, I want to jump you right here. That was… I believed it was an accident! You are the best. I love you so much.”


Plays when you miss someone - The Whistler – Jethro Tull

He whistled softly, a bird call in the dark night. She slipped out from the tree, sliding soundlessly out of the clearing. Leaving behind everything was the only way, her family would never approve or let her go, but she knew what was right for her. The past three months without him had been hell.

He was waiting at the edge of the pond, and his face lit up when he saw her. She took his hand, and the two of them, the tree nymph and the gnome, raced off into the night to make a life for themselves.

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